Being on the Other End of the Stick

Having been divorced most of the time that my daughters were growing up, I’ve always lived in a household of girls (and then women)…….
• If I wanted to rent chick flicks, cool ~ everyone was on board.
• If I ran around the house in my undies, cool ~ ‘cause we all had ‘em.
• If I wanted to paint a room pink or yellow, cool ~ I could always talk one of the girls into a pink or yellow bedroom.
• If I lost my eyelash curler, there was always at least two others in the house.
• If I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights off, I never had to worry I’d fall in the toilet.
• If I wanted to go to the mall, everyone was down for shopping for a new outfit, pair of shoes, or just a book

Having a son is altogether different…….
• No more chick flicks- now we rent cartoons
• No more walking around in undies- let’s just say Tayshaun is a man in that department
• No more pink or yellow- BLUE BLUE BLUE
• No more borrowing eyelash curlers- I’m just out of luck borrowing anything
• Oh yeah- I’ve got up from the toilet with a wet butt in the middle of a dark night
• And shopping…..just isn’t the same- but I’ll leave that one for another blog

FIRST, IT WAS JUST ME AND HIM…….
Tisha and Madison were tom-boys so I was already acquainted with athletic participation, baseball caps, skateboards, hoodies, etc. But Tayshaun is DEFINITELY a BOY!!!! And I’m experiencing a whole new ballgame with this one….

With a giggle and a grin, Tayshaun will come snuggle up to me and plop his little behind on my leg or lap – and yes – stink up the room with a subtle FART (he’s only four, ok). But given his laughter afterwards, you’d have thought he really ripped a big one. No, I never had that experience with any of the girls.

Tayshaun received a $10 birthday gift so I asked him what he wanted to buy. To my surprise, he told me he wanted to take me out to dinner. He decided we’d go to Souper or Salad. Now, you might be thinking, why the heck would a kid wanna go to a salad bar place? Well, Tayshaun does love salad but my guess is he LOVES the pizza and ice cream, more. And of course, he can go back and forth for as many pieces and scoops that he wants. Anyways, we’re eating and I’m nagging him about not staying in his seat. He sits down and says loudly, ‘Hey, Mom, stop kicking me!’. I looked at him thinking maybe he kicked a table leg or something. He’s just eating his ice cream, licking the spoon clean, and not even looking at me. Then he says loudly, ‘Mom, stop hitting me; that hurts!’. No smile on his face; no eye contact. We’re on opposite sides of the table. I’m not even close enough to pinch him – as much as I wanted to at that very moment. I saw what he was up to. He’d played this little game before but it’s never been in public. Luckily for me, I wasn’t even close to him and no one was paying attention. But man ~ that boy will bring out the crazy in me!!!

NOW, IT'S ME AND HIM WITH MALE INFLUENCES……
So now I’m the minority, living amongst the male species…in a household of stinky, loud, prankster, teasing, creepy BOYS! Let’s just say, I'm out of my element. And in the process, my son is falling MORE into HIS!

So we’re walking to my car after leaving the spa, ok, he’s running a half a mile ahead of me so he can reach the car first,he makes it to the car long before me. Of course, I haven’t clicked the keys to unlock the doors yet. Tayshaun yanks the back door handle and isn’t able to open the door. He comes back around to the back of the car so I can see him now…and grumbles “WOMAN, you didn’t unlock the door, yet!”. Talk about embarrassed…when I watched the guy walking past us snicker. And I hate it when I have to laugh at him when I should be correcting his behavior. But darn it, this is one of those reasons I have this blog…because I can’t believe my kid!!!! He picks up everything!

So Tayshaun has a new song when he’s trying to talk above me…..”Men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men,”….annoying huh?.....“Men, men, men, men” and of course it gets louder and faster when I’m trying to speak above it. And it used to be that he was instigated into singing the lyrics to me. NOW, he kicks off the song. And worse yet, sometimes, he sings it ALONE at me!!!!

Now, Tayshaun has an ally. When he thinks I should be spanked, he’ll bring out the tennis racket and tell Andrew, “Ok, let’s whack mom on the butt. Come on, you first.”.

Life just isn’t the same ON THE OTHER END OF THE STICK.