How To Avoid A Speeding Ticket

The obvious solution to avoiding a speeding ticket? Don't speed Or have a 4-year old in your back seat rattling off question-after-question....poor Sergeant Clark.

It's three years past my 2-year norm for trading in my vehicle. So last month I decided Tayshaun was old enough for mommie to bring home a new vehicle. Of course there's rules now. Absolutely no eating in the car. Anyways so now I'm driving a vehicle with a little turbo boost. Hmmmm...that good ole Turbo Boost!

A couple of weeks ago, we're driving home from the daycare. About a half a mile from home, I yielded at a red light and proceeded to make a right hand turn. Tayshaun and I were singing with Chris Brown on the top of our lungs, "hey she wants that lovey dovey, lovey dovey, kiss kiss, kiss kiss" and all of a sudden there's these red spiral lights flashing behind me. Of course, I noticed them first but then Tayshaun did too and asked, "Mom, what 's those lights?" I'm hoping that the patrol car behind me is trying to get my attention so he can speed around me to an emergency or to get home quickly (I think they do that sometimes when they're late for supper). So I pulled towards the curb but, dang it, the officer was following me. It must be the red car syndrome. Aren't there statistics that red vehicles get pulled over more? I've only had this bugger for a month. Dang it and I'm already getting a ticket with Tayshaun as my witness.

So I tell Tayshaun, "That's a policeman behind me. I guess he wants to talk to us." Immediately he replies, "Are we going to jail, Mom?" "No, Tayshaun, let's just see what he wants, k?" I guess I must have been going a little fast. Frankly, I never looked at my speedometer even when I noticed the flashing lights. Blame it on the turbo boost!!! Seriously when I accelerate, the vehicle is flash lightning for a second til I realize I better lay off the pedal and get back into conservative drive mode.

Guess that turbo boost just gives me flashbacks to the good ole NASCAR days. Geez the RUSH...as I was flying around those track corners, driving with the pedal to the metal, speeding one foot from the wall, accelerating for 330 laps, catching my breath in the pit stops as the crew switched my chewed up tires.... I was just approaching the backstretch and so close to the green and white checkered finish....and then Sergeant Clark brought me back to the real world.

For a second, I wondered if this street-vehicle could muster up some NASCAR moves and outrun those red lights behind me but then I thought better.....afterall, Tayshaun was in the backseat.

So I pulled over and turned down the radio and started looking for my paperwork, in the glove compartment. And I'm thinking, ok, should I try to talk myself out of this? Can I think of a quick excuse? No, Tayshaun will tell on me if I lie. Then I thought about bringing out these old NASCAR photos but decided that I'm really enjoying the anonymity of being just Tayshaun's mom. So.....Ok.Ok.Ok. Guilty as charged. I'm going to take my punishment. All the while, Tayshaun's shooting off questions, "Mom, why does the policeman want to talk to us? Are we in trouble? Are we going for a ride in the police car?" "No", I said, "I think Mommie might have been going a little fast."

So Sergeant Clark approached my car and asked for my registration. Tayshaun's in the background asking question after question. I'm still thinking I should have tried to outrun this sucker. But I put a smile on my face and rummaged through the new paperwork, I haven't organized yet, and Sergeant Clark points to the registration I must have fat fingered a couple times looking through that envelope. I handed it over to him. He looked over my paperwork briefly and asked me if I knew why he pulled me over. Before I got a chance to answer, Tayshaun pipes out, "Was my Mom driving speedy?". But Sergeant Clark ignored the comment, I kinda giggle and asked, "Was I driving a little fast?". And he says, "Don't you know how fast you were driving?" And I replied, "Well, I guess I didn't really look - I still haven't even read the manual for this vehicle yet. Not sure how to unlock all the doors yet - unless I use the remote." And Tayshaun is blabbering about, "Yah, that window on the roof was almost open when we went through the car wash the odder day and we almost didn't close it. That woulda been fun, huh Mom, going through the car wash with the window open?"

So Sergeant Clark tells me I was going 57 in a 40 mph zone. But I guess Sergent Clark really was late getting home 'cause he told me he wasn't going to give me a ticket. And Tayshaun's reply was "On man, hey, I wanted a ticket!" But the Sergeant again ignored Tayshaun and tells me he's giving me a warning and to please slow down. Of course, I agreed andwas so very happy because I usually have to give out my autograph to avoid a speeding ticket. PHEW!

After we drove off I asked Tayshaun why he wanted me to have a ticket and he said, "Cause I never seen a ticket before." Geez Louise - where's the loyalty? Maybe Sergeant Clark felt sorry for me having Dennis the Menace in my ear asking so many questions! Then Tayshaun said, "Mom, I thought he was gonna put handcuffs on us. And if he did, I woulda found a little pin and put it in the hole and got those handcuffs off of us, Mom. Yah, that woulda been cool if that policeman woulda put handcuffs on us." Well, I guess my son isn't very scared of policemen. I've got work to do!

And for those of you who didn't know I used to be a race car girl. Well you're in the same boat as the other people who didn't know that I used to be a Roller Derby girl too. But those were my past lives. Just kiddin!!! The rest of the story is absolutely true....I think my son talked our way out of this speeding ticket. Thanks Tayshaun!