Ok, a funny thing happened to me the other day. I just have to share. I shouldn't laugh at people but I couldn't help myself.
Ok, what is wrong with this picture? We have a moped. We have swimming goggles. Well if you add a dimwit --- you get a DORK.
+ 
= 
Seriously, I'm not being judgemental. I don't care what people wear, do, or say. But if what they wear, do, or say can possibly hurt me or them, well..... Let me just tell you the story.....
So it's a great, sunny, cooling-down evening and Tayshaun and I were driving back from the park with our windows down, talking about what flavor of snowie we felt like having. It's about 8pm and we're driving down Highland Drive. There's little traffic 'cause it's a weeknight. I notice there's some construction signs ahead and arrows instructing traffic on the right to merge into the left lane. So I glance out my side mirror and see that I'm plenty ahead of a moped in the left lane behind me so I turn on my left blinker to warn the driver just before I leisurely merge into the left lane. And I notice the mopeder is speeding up behind me. I kinda laugh to myself, thinking, "Oh, no he did not just speed up so I can squish that little moped under my CX7." I didn't even need to accelerate I just kept leisurely making my way into his lane but I saw that he immediately rushed up to my behind - not quite impacting me though. Afterall, my vehicle is A VEHICLE. Afterall, he's a little fly on a little bike.
So I kinda laugh at him and waved a "hello" and "Thanks" for letting me into his lane. But he obviously wasn't too happy with me. So he keeps tailgating me. So now we're in a one-lane only traffic with orange cones alongside our right and left lanes. So he keeps revving up his little bike in show of aggression. He must have been missing a muffler. Do motorcycles have tailpipes or mufflers? ---well whatever it is that makes mopeds sound puddery was missing. I think he must have tried to rig it to sound like a Harley and it just sounded more like CRAGGLE CRAGGLE CRAGGLE CRAGGLE, instead. Sorry, I guess you had to be there - to get the affect.
So anyways, there's no lane for me to move over for him to pass me. Now, he's on a little bike so he could have just easily gone around me if he wanted to. But, NO, he wanted to stay behind me and tailgate.
I started to get a little worried about him. He didn't have a helmet and the closer this little bug-a-boo got to me, the more convinced I became that he was going to ram into the back of my CX7 and roll up the hatchback and crash right onto my windshield -- and I WILL NOT GET A TICKET because this dumb dumb wants to show his ass. Oh yeah, and plus, I didn't want to see this dumb dumb get hurt and traumatize Tayshaun.
So when I stopped at a red light, I put my arm out the window and signaled for him to come up beside me so he could get ahead of me. He wouldn't scoot up though when the light turned green. So I didn't move for a second to see if he'd change his mind. When all of a sudden, I hear "peep peep peep peeep" from his little bike. So I'm really laughing now. And talking to myself..." that little dummy". And Tayshaun's like, "What Mom?" And I tell him, "I'm not talking to you Babe, there's this little bike behind me that's drivin' kinda crazy."
So I proceeded to drive but a little slower now because, again, I didn't want this dumb dumb ramming into me. So when we stopped at the next red light and he still didn't come around me, I decided to make his day. So when the light turned green, I drove through the intersection and into the coned lane so he could drive past me. He didn't even look at me when he drove passed. So I got back into the left lane and started driving again.
At the next red light, the coned lanes had cleared and we had a four lane street again. So I came up beside him as he was waiting at the light with my window down. That's when I noticed his swimming goggles, and his flipped up corny hair-do, and his tight basketball short shorts and I start busting up!!! Trying to keep a straight face I tell him, 'Dude, you're going to get hurt!....you don't even have a helmet and you're trying to drive aggressive!' And his response was "Have you ever heard of a speed limit?" I started laughing more, 'Are you kidding me? So you're mad because I wasn't driving fast enough or because I drove into your lane?' His face just kept getting redder and redder. I think I even saw some steam coming out of his swimming goggles. He just gritted his teeth and yelled at me as he drove away "Have you ever heard of a speed limit?!".
Well, at this point, I can't stop laughing! I'm hysterical! I think I even peed my pants a little. In the back, Tayshaun, of course, didn't understand a thing that had just happened. So he asked me, "Mom, what's a speed limit?". I'm sure he was thinking that if he just knew what a speed limit was, he'd get the joke too.
So, the mopeder drives ahead of me a few cars or so by now. I merge into the right lane to get onto the highway and as I turn, I hear this "peep peep peep peep peep". I'm sure that if I could have seen him from my rearview window, he would have probably been flipping me the bird. Darn it! I didn't get to see the farewell. The things I do to make your day, Dork.
