Happy Birthday Baby!

 I'm sure this month has a been a sad one for you, Maddie.

Carter's birthday was last week and this was the first time you've not been there to share and celebrate his birthday.  I'm sorry.

There was a very special reason you were brought into this little man's life.  In many ways, you helped create this child.

If you hadn't come into Bryton's life when you did, Carter may have never been.  You helped bring life to this beautiful human being.

You were able to experience the miracle of new life through Carter.  Although you were there through my pregnancy with Tayshaun, and although you were old enough to understand the process, you never really wanted or were part of the experience.  Fortunately for me, you at 16. were not interested in being a mom yet.

So when you met Bryton and she was pregnant, I was skeptical about the commitment you would have for her and this baby growing inside of her.  I honestly thought the experience would scare you away from the burden and responsibility of a baby...not to mention the late nights, poopy diapers (as you never once changed Tayshaun's), no more late night partying, the cholic or flu-symptoms you would eventually experience with a baby/child, etc, etc.  I thought you'd be high-tailing it out of there once he made an appearance.

But you surprised me.  How many times have I heard you say, "I cut Carter's cord." -- so proudly.

It wasn't that I didn't think you were capable of having a baby in your life.  I just didn't see you wanting a child anytime soon.  But there you were talking Bryton into having this baby she wasn't sure she wanted.  If you remember, I warned you about the influence you were bringing to Bryton.  After all, the decision she would make would be a permanent one....for her.

Now, of course, I'm very happy you were able to influence Bryton enough that she decided to see through her pregnancy and keep Carter Brooke.

He brought a new meaning to your life.  One you hadn't experienced yet.  I watched you grow into motherhood so naturally.  It was so surprising to me.

He was your first.  Your first experience of giving your all, wholeheartedly and unselfishly to another.

Bryton probably doesn't understand what you brought to her life as she is too young and immature to appreciate what you did.

I watched you hold onto a relationship that wasn't necessarily fulfilling but one that you felt you had to maintain in order for you to continue to be Carter's mother.  I had hoped and sometimes thought that you really did want that relationship and that it might be a forever one, simply because I know how much you love Carter.   But I know from experience that if you're not wholeheartedly in a marriage/relationship, it just doesn't work.

More importantly, if you continued down an unfulfilling path, you were likely to eventually try to find what you were missing...somewhere else.  Or you would stay in that relationship and miss out on a good, meaningful, and loving one.

And now I watch you, again, being unselfish for the sake of Carter.  Doing what you feel is best for him....not what is best for you.

I'm sure you're already aware of the many things that Carter has brought to your life.  He's helped you grow as a person, as an adult.



You are linked to me forever, Madison.  You will always be my daughter and I will always be your mother.  No one and nothing can take that away from us.

You know how I feel about this subject.  It is my hope that you become a mom again.  And that you have that forever link with a child of your own.  Whether you do that legally, as in adoption, or you chose to have your own natural child, I hope you're able to bring that joy to your life and our family.

Know that I am proud of you.  And I'm sad that you're hurting.  But I am really glad that you were brought together with Carter, for his sake and for yours.

We will all miss him but we will always remember him.  Happy Birthday Carter-Boo!